The Board

The return of The Board in its internet form,
setting the standard, but defying the norm
It's accepting the past and embracing our fears,
and having not grown for these past 13 years...

In college my questionable wit and female-repellant charm was displayed on a dry erase board known simply as, The Board (did I mention my questionable wit?). With occasional help from my heterosexual life partner Jeff 'Puffs' Adams I spewed charisma out in a variety of colors, all easily erased with a paper towel. It was the mid-90's: Beck was making losers cool, Adam Sandler was lowering the youth of the nation's collective IQ and dry-erase was the apex of communications technology. We would never love like that again...

The Board was my first attempt to express my love of mocking people while revealing my disturbed psyche in controlled, single-serving amounts. Instead of daily reminders, friendly messages and inspirational quotes, The Board (yes, I will type it in bold every time, shut your mouth) was composed mostly of juvenile rhymes, distorted recollections of social gatherings and subtle digs at the choices in sexual partners of my friends and fraternity brothers. It was there, on 14 by 18 inches of flat white possibility, that I honed my technique of sarcastic enlightenment to the razor sharp edge you all enjoy today. In a college atmosphere I was provided with virtually unlimited comedic fodder. The half-assed pretense at academia, the awkward social situations, the youthful idealism, the combination of raging hormones with complete lack of game...all tossed into a blender and mixed with alcohol. Served literary style.

I won't boast that it was anything noteworthy beyond a few laughs amongst my friends and more than a few puzzled looks and confused questions regarding the content. The Onion didn't come calling with a writing offer, Dave Barry wasn't threatened by my comedic stylings and sorority girls weren't shedding clothing as they read down The Board. The pie-chart of who it was intended for broke down roughly the same as it does for this blog: About 15% for a small group of friends and family who understand my humor and mentality better than most, about 7% for the whole of my acquaintences and anyone beyond who cares to view it, and 78% for me. Just for myself. It's amazingly satisfying to focus your creative outlets on a target audience that is guaranteed to love your work.

In my last blog I rambled on about patterns in our life and how our behaviors tend to repeat themselves. I supported this theory with completely imaginary scientific 'evidence' that involved something with crystals and a high school chemistry set if I remember correctly. It was 2 days ago, I can't recall everything. I wasn't planning on using that as a segue way into discussing The Board but I can't help but notice the similarities between then and now. The primary differences being the unforeseen advancements in technology and currently less swear words. My moms could be reading this shit, yo. But The Board was an almost identical combination of confused goals, alternating between pointless laughs and overly lengthy attempts to make a simple point. Sometimes merged into a jambalaya of disorganized writing that I can only hope brings a little flavor and a little nutrition from time to time. And if it doesn't, who cares? 78% of my audience is a die-hard fan.

The writings can all be erased, The Board can be brought down
the memories can start to fade, I can move far from that town
But the experiences I take with me, the style still shows through
and to all the friends who stuck with me, this is really all for you...