This blog is a continuation of a previous blog concept that the world was in no way, shape or form clamoring for. It's fairly clear that I have no original thoughts of my own at this time or educated opinions on relevant social issues. At this point I'm pretty much just reading JT's blog, taking a sentence, phrase or idea within and trying to expand it into an entire blog...or two. I'm like the Grey's Anatomy of blogging. Enjoy.
TOP 5 'TOP 5' CONCEPTS I DISCARDED
Not that I was up all night watching DVR'd episodes of How I Met Your Mother for comedic inspiration or anything...
1: Top 5 Sexual Misadventures: Should be self explanatory but primarily for my little remaining dignity and the fact that I have family that reads this.
2: Top 5 Decisions That Brought Me To This Point In Life: I have a duty to the children to never share a map to the path of Kulifay.
3: Top 5 Pasta/Sauce Combination Choices On Olive Garden's Never-Ending Pasta Bowl Special: This would be a waste as there are no wrong choices.
4: Top 5 Dane Cook 'Comedy' Bits: If you just went past 2 in your head you should admit it and meet me in a particularly beautiful moonlit field at dusk to cross Hanzo swords...
5: Top 5 Reasons To Love Bacon: If you were to try to limit it to just 5 the universe would collapse in upon itself.
TOP 5 ALTERNATIVE CAREER PATHS THAT NEVER MATERIALIZED
Should I ever lose my sanity and dive off this retail gravy train...
1: Underwear Model: Again, should be self explanatory but I am experienced with boxers, briefs and of course, boxer-briefs. There was also a brief man-thong period. I am willing to bet there is a potential paying audience out there that has been dreaming about what Kevin James looks like in skivvies.
2: Wal-Mart Greeter: I ain't gettin' any younger and spending my golden years sending customers to random incorrect areas of the store would satisfy my innate need to pettily defy the general public until my cholesterol catches up to me at the ripe old age of 47.
3: Fortune Cookie Writer: Quite possibly my dream writing job since Hallmark stopped responding to my calls and mailed resumes with a harshly worded cease-and-desist letter.
4: Rodeo Clown: I'm suprisingly agile and willing to be crippled if the paycheck is sufficient. Plus, imagine the hilarity that would ensue that all of you could enjoy before (and most likely while) I'm airlifted to the nearest medical facility.
5: President of the United States: Jump in your mental time machine, go back 11 years, insert me as president for the next 3 terms and tell me if your imagination actually visualizes the country in worse condition. Nope, you're dreaming of free freezee pops instead of health care and Lil Wayne being tried for crimes against humanity. Plus My Name Is Earl would still be on television. President Kulifay...sleep well tonight.
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