Random Observations and Things I've Learned This Week
Having a customer snatch a pen out of my hand invokes a murderous rage within me the likes of which I haven't experienced since overhearing the 'Greatest Rapper: Lil Wayne vs. Kanye West' argument of April, 2011.
The Taco Bell on McKnight Road is open until 3am. Greatest night ever and I've never been prouder to be American while eating a bastardization of another culture's culinary efforts.
My niece, possessor of the world's cutest smile, also has in her arsenal a death glare you usually only see on 12 year olds holding automatic weapons working for drug cartels or blood diamond warlords in National Geographic pictures or documentaries. And apparently this look is reserved for Uncle Johnny.
Apparently the Steelers can only run the ball when Rashard Mendenhall is out hurt. Mendenhall being on my fantasy football team I can only assume that the universe continues to mock me in petty ways.
I have 5 pounds of Cheerios at my home which I recently explained as "a healthier snack option when craving a crunch" and that "I was seduced by the siren's song of Sam's Club's bulk pricing". I then proceeded to take my vengeance upon my arch-nemesis, 'Health-Conscious Johnny', who had made that shopping decision, by frying "those fuckers" and bathing them in sugar (not all 5 lbs, just a panful).
The great John McGinley, forever known to me as Dr. Perry Cox, is in the latest State Farm commercial. Dane Cook has his own television show coming out. I can only assume the universe continues to mock me in ways of pure evil.
My buddy from college informed me he was going to start parking his car at Planned Parenthood so people would think he's actually getting laid. While I worry about his mental stability I told him that was too good a line to waste just on me...
It's hard to beat this time of year for sports: The Pens are starting out good, the Cardinals are in the playoffs and it's football season. Unlike most of you I will actually miss the NBA season (Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili don't have much time left for my beloved Spurs) but right now, this week, your boy is content.
I really need to start educating myself on the potential presidential candidates so I can make a reasonably intelligent decision next year. Otherwise I'm going to vote based on JT's blog, a voting trend that was deemed "potentially disastrous for the nation" on The O'Reilly Factor last week.
I hate centipedes. 2 in about 10 days. In my home. They actually make me wistful for the presence of spiders. I should have caught them and made them fight to the death...only to eventually flush the 'winner'.
I told one of my bosses at work that "Papa Kulifay" had "saved a slappin'" for him if he kept raising his voice at me. I'm still employed. Remember this whenever I complain about my job.
I like laying on the ground at night looking at the stars.
Step your game up, people. Take care of one another. It just works out better for everybody that way.
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