The 'butterfly effect' was a term used by meteorologist Edward Lorenz in 1972 (in his speech "Predictability: Does the Flap of a Butterfly's Wings in Brazil set off a Tornado in Texas?") to describe chaos theory, a concept that suggested that the slightest change in initial conditions can make future outcomes impossible to predict. In 2004 the theory was expounded upon and popularized by Lorenz's intellectual successor, Ashton Kutcher. Clearly America was on the path toward restoring its place as the scientific epicenter of the world after 2 generations of our educational system being Punk'd. Chaos theory suggests that precise measurements are impossible and therefore scientific efforts to model future predictions are worthless due to the complexity of overlapping systems. I use chaos theory as an excuse to to not waste any efforts gathering scientific knowledge. Apparently I was a chaos theorist as early as 8th grade science class. And for the record any 'facts' I spew forth here were stolen directly from Wikipedia, the world's bastion of truth and knowledge.
I like the theory though because it reminds me that we never really understand everything around us and that there may be reasons for some of the day to day trivial frustrations that I sometimes have a hard time dealing with. Allow me to share a story. A couple days ago at work I swallowed (shaddup JT) and something went down the wrong pipe. Again, my scientific expertise comes into play with medical terminology like 'down the wrong pipe'. Regardless, I began coughing, hacking and choking to the point that I was doubled over with tears coming out of my eyes. The picture of professionalism I know, but not something I had control over at the time. During this airway clearing performance, a customer approached me. Ignoring any false pretense at concern, he managed to contain his impatience for approximately 1.4 seconds before demanding, "where are the utility shelves?" Bent over (shaddup CJ) and unable to speak I made an impatient gesture with my hand in the direction of the aisle containing the Holy Grail of home improvement: utility shelving. Without a word of thanks he walked away. After a few more seconds of recovery I managed to raise my head and glance at the gentleman (a phrase I use condescendingly more often than is probably healthy). He was older. Not elderly but probably about 25 years older than the picture of youthful vigor writing this blog. So somewhere there I took you from chaos theory to choking to an unsympathetic retail customer. Where's the correlation? Probably all in my head, as usual, but I'll explain as it's something that helps me deal with situations like this.
In the interest of full disclosure my initial reaction in my mind is something I can't describe in detail here but in summary it involved his head, the sought after utility shelving, and the two of them meeting. At high velocity. Repeatedly. That option discarded because I need my job more than I need a prison sentence (shaddup JT and CJ), my limited brain immediately goes to the next option. No, not taking my lunch break and going to Taco Bell. Rationalization. If I can't administer vigilante retail justice then I need to believe the customer in question isn't truly deserving of a shelf induced coma. "But how do you do that, beloved blogger? How can you possibly excuse such callous disregard for your health in the name of acquiring faux wood shelving to place knick-knacks of limited value?" Thank you for asking, dear reader and I'll share my method of coping. It's not yoga, a LiveStrong bracelet or a Tony Robbins motivational speech on CD. It's chaos theory. The butterfly effect. And it's probably something I should discuss with a qualified psychiatrist.
See, I have to believe that the day to day petty ignorance and lack of caring I observe from people is not due to their ingrained human nature. I tell myself that something lead to that behavior, whether it's consistent behavior or just a momentary relapse from decency. It can be something major: tragedies, financial issues, health concerns, relationship problems, loss of a loved one, another Dane Cook HBO special. Or it can be something that seems trivial from an outsider's perspective: stuck in traffic, an argument with a spouse, the car breaking down, kids misbehaving, Shia Labeouf getting another starring role in a movie. The point is that even though I had that brief, momentary interaction with that customer out of nowhere, he didn't blink into existence when he came to my attention and he didn't depart reality when he walked out of my sight. He is his own system, every bit as complex as my own (and probably a bit more normal). Our systems overlapped and in that complexity I have no idea what butterfly flapped its wings in the past that lead to that particular tornado of discourtesy. But I have to believe that one did. If I believed that some of these people I encountered were at heart as inconsiderate and hateful as our brief interactions suggest, I would feel morally obligated to battle these evils. Most likely by sending Kento a plane ticket to fly up from Florida and display the knee to chin techniques of muy thai. Or asking Dale to demonstrate his military training on American soil for once. I figure it's about time the United States Army deployed its forces where they could truly do the most good: the upper middle class north hills of Pittsburgh. But, I can't. I have to believe there's good in people, even if life does its best to push it down sometimes. I'm like a walking Disney movie with anger issues and high blood pressure.
While this display of bleeding heart liberal sympathies might be making some of your stomachs churn allow me to explain: I am not excusing rude, disrespectful or inhumane behavior because of someone having a bad morning, a bad week or even a bad life. While I may occasionally stray a bit further then some in language or humor I have deep personal beliefs about being kind and respectful towards others...until they do something to no longer deserve that. I have daily fantasies, Scrubs style, of a UFC cage being installed at the back of my place of employment where I could challenge abusive customers to discuss the situation rationally, inside the octagon of justice. These daydreams make me happy, until I return to the reality of our litigious world of laws and consequences. Then I weep like a little girl with a skinned knee. In short, I believe in the butterfly because it helps me to understand, just a little, even if I won't truly accept. It gets me through the day. Then I go home and blog my thinly-veiled frustrations in desperate attempts at attention seeking humor, passing my negative experiences through my keyboard, onto this internet thingy that's so popular, and directly into your souls. You're welcome.
In an extremely taunting manner I will tell you there are grammatical errors in your blogging my friend. I understand though, in a customer fueled, blogging rant sometimes you become so engrossed in what you are typing you forget to proof read. I forgive you. So now we can move on to the lovely individual that desperately needed those faux wood shelves. I have come to realize through my travels in my current department people are self absorbed and expect everyone to apologize for everything that has went wrong in their lives. Some how it's my fault you have over extended your monthly income and can not afford to put furniture in your $500,000 house and everyday you live with your own disgust ad self loathing. I know I shoul have somehow advised you against this years ago when you were making horrible decisions and I didn't even know you existed on our beautiful blue planet. Everyday ibsee these things happening around me and I also want to try to beat sense in to the general population that walks through our doors everyday. Mine comes in the form of a concrete curb and my bug steeled boots on the back of their heads. Harsh, possibly, but I am thinking that is the only way to wake them out of their perpetual coma they have put themselves in waiting for others to lick their feet not at beck in call but before they even ask. Like them walking through my doors bitching moaning and cursing but never buying anything keeps my paychecks coming. I use to have a theory similar to yours. Never judge people til you have lived a day in their life. That theory has quickly died since moving to the amazing state of PA. Alas, my grave disappointments with humanity stretch further and wider than the doors of our workplace, but I will keep it simple for now. You should sleep well knowing that I was concerned enough for you that I interrupted your stock raising customer service just to make sure you were ok!!!!
ReplyDeleteFay, first of all thanks for telling me to shaddup. it was appropriate as I was already in the process of an awesome joke. Second, this is your best work so far (save the grammatical errors). Good job and keep it up.
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